For Sale: One Turkey, Slightly Used
Item: Turkey, gender unknown, missing head, one leg, and most of it's flight muscles. Feathers not included, but can be provided upon request.
Terms: Willing to trade for weight loss video, treadmill, or possibly discount voucher for gastric bypass surgery. This item MUST GO, so don't hesitate to make an offer.
Other Information: Limited time offer. Turkey expected to disappear between pieces of bread soon. Prompt responders will also receive matching gravy.